ive tried so fucking hard to take this all in stride. karens going to collage has put me under a huge amount of stress. and she acts like its no big deal. well its tearing me up inside and shes the one doing it. not only does she want this stupid marching band, she enjoys it! i dont see the point in marching around in that stupid uniform, with that stupid trombone, along with all the others. she has pretty much not a single weekend here at home so that i can be with her until her winter break. not only that but she leaves me hanging in the little time we get to talk to go "hang" with the people on the band. its like she doesnt need me anymore, or want me. and it makes me angry enough to launch my fist into my laptop screen. but hey its not like it matters. after all i am useless. even now no one will ever read this and i sit here ranting on and no one is paying attention or caring. i could blow my fucking brains out all over the place and things would go on just as they always do. yeah even my so called best freind wont fucking care. so why the hell do i try? if one person responds back ill try for awhile longer. but i dont think anyone will because on bothers to ask me why im crying inside and seem like im fine on the outside, no one will ever bother to say that something is bothering me and find a way to get me to talk about it cause no one cares about me.